The story of a ......

This is a story about
a Fly, a Fish, a Bear
a Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.

There is a moral to this story......

(Maybe not the one
most of you expect....
So, read on!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,

"Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist
from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking,
"Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking,
"Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches
that fish will jump for the fly...
and I will grab the fish!!"

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank
of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.... "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...
and that fish leaps for it...
that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, you probably think this is
enough activity on one river bank,

but I can tell you there's more....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,

"Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...
and that fish jumps for that fly..
and that bear grabs for that fish..
the dumb hunter will shoot the bear
and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,
(as was fashionable to do on the banks of
this particular river around lunch time)
"Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..
and that fish jumps for that fly ..
and that bear grabs for that fish
and that hunter shoots that bear..
and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich ..
Then I can have mouse for lunch."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he
heads down for the cooling mist of the water.
The fish swallows the fly...

The bear grabs the fish..

The hunter shoots the bear..

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

The cat jumps for the mouse..
The mouse ducks...
The cat falls into the water and drowns.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW, The Moral Of The Story....


Whenever a fly goes down three inches,

some pussy is gonna be in serious danger.

Elbow pain....

_______________________________________________________________________
One day, Pete complained to his friend,"My elbow really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a
sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell
you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started
flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper,which read: You have
tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be
better in two weeks.

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how
it would change medicalscience forever, he began to wonder if this could
be fooled.

He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water,
a stool sample from his dog,
and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the
computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The machine again made the usual noises, flashed
lights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo.

3. Your daughter is getting screwed by three guys at
the same time and having urinary infection. Put her
on antibiotic and keep a track of her outings.

4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a Lawyer.

5. And bastard,....... if you don't stop jerking
off, your elbow will never get better !!!!!!

_______________________________________________________________________

Toilet Signs

---

Don't ask for directions. Now that it is very clear.

Too easy to identify? Huh.

That's the way it must flow. In case you don't know.

Should you stand or sit ?

Well it is obvious. Can't just wait.

---

The new priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:

   1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.


   1. There are 10 commandments, not 12.


   1. There are 12 disciples, not 10.


   1. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.


   1. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.


   1. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.


   1. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
   Junior and the spook.


   1. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.


   1. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
   say he was stoned off his ass.


   1. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."


   1. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this
   and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".


   1. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".


   1. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
   for the grub, Yeah God.


   1. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's
   not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

When did it happen ?

A man's turn came after waiting in line watching St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Bad guys were going to hell and good guys were heading towards heaven.

"Your resume is blunt, but tell me one thing can you think of ever doing something of reasonable merit ?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man responded with confidence. "Once, I was on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers on their way to Sturgis, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "Now I don't see that here, but you seem to havea sharp memory. When did this happen?"

"Oh, Just a couple minutes ago!"

Coincidence

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked,

"What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and my last batch of hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

" What a coincidence," she said

Jokes ...

---

*Break Into the House*
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"

---

*Lost Wife*
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

---

*Teacher*
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

---

*Hearing*
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

---

*Wedding*
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"

---

* Dream*
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".

---

Computer Tech Support Calls

**********
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....
**********
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
**********
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
**********
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
**********
Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
**********
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
**********
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
**********
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
**********
Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
********** Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
**********
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
**********
Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
**********
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
**********
And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager" Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
**********

Inspiring SMS Quotes

---

Some of the Inspiring Quotes which tell not to give up in life so you can learn something from these Quotes

1) Never expect things to happen..struggle and make them happen.
never expect yourself to be given a good value create a value of your own

2) If a drop of water falls in lake there is no identity.But if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl.so choose the best place where you would shine..

3) Falling down is not defeat...defeat is when your refuse to get up...

4) Ship is always safe at shore... but is is not built for it

5) When your successful your well wishers know who you are when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers are

6) It is great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him/her

7) "To the world you might be one person,
but to one person you just might be the world

8) "Even the word 'IMPOSSIBLE' says 'I M POSSIBLE' "

9) Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

---

Greatest SMS quotes

***********************
Never break anyone's heart,While breaking heart of othersThink first what will happenWhen someone will break your heart

***********************

Every SUNSET gives us one day
less to live But every SUNRISE
gives us one day more to hope

***********************

Tackle life with all ur skillsOvercome each and every hillIf u persist with all ur willU will enjoy ur life and all its thrill's.

***********************

Somebody asked god,I want peace, god replied.Remove that i as that is ego,And peace will be automatically there

***********************

In times of difficulties don't say,
"god i've a big problem"Instead say, "hey problem i've a big god"Everything will b urs….God bless you

***********************

SMS doesn't mean only,
short messaging serviceBut it also means,
"Some Moments Shared" with loved ones.

***********************

Never take some one for granted,Hold every person close to your HeartBecause you might wake up one day and realise
That you have lost a diamondWhile you were too busy collecting stones

***********************

The smile is like a Simcard & Life is like a Cellphone.
Whenever u insert the Simcard of a Smile,
a beautiful day is activated.
KEEP SMILING

***********************

"GODISNOWHERE"This can be read as GOD IS NO WHEREOr as GOD IS NOW HERE
Everything depends on
how do u see anything.
So think positive

***********************

Sure God created man before woman..
but then you always make a rough draft
before The Final Masterpiece.

***********************
To understand the heart and mind of a person,
look not at what he has already achieved,
but at what he aspires to.
***********************

You can tell more about a person
by what he says about others than
you can by what others say about him.

***********************

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

***********************

Great changes may not happen right away,
but with effort even
the difficult may become easy.

***********************

It is not because things are difficult that
we do not dare, it is because
we do not dare that they are difficult.

***********************

Most of the important things in the world
have been accomplished by people
who have kept on trying
when there seemed to be no hope at all.

***********************

My great concern is not
whether you have failed,
but whether you are content
with your failure.

***********************

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things
you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.

***********************

The greatest mistake you can make
in life is to be continually fearing
you will make one.

***********************
Acknowledge that you failed,
draw your lessons from it,
and use it to your advantage
to make sure it never happens again.

***********************

There are two kinds of people,
those that do the work and
those that take the credit.
Try to be in the first group,
there is less competition there.

***********************

The difference between a successful person and others
is not a lack of strength,
not a lack of knowledge,
but rather in a lack of will.

***********************

Lord shiva

---

One day, Lord Shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So he
changed his get-up and went to a bar in Delhi and asked the Bartender:
"What all do u have?"
Bartender: "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin, beer etc."

Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first, give me 5 bottles of whisky". After
having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord Shiva decided to try Rum.

Bartender was shocked:" Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky,
he is still on his feet".

After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having 40
bottles of beer, he asked the Bartender for Gin.

Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him: "Sir, who are you?? I ve seen
people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost
had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"???

Lord Shiva: "Vats, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain". (Dear child, I am lord Shiva)

Bartender: Aab chadhi sale ko!!! (The kick start now for this *#$%#$%*^%

---

Surgery

A is for apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float.
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now, A's for arthritis; B's the bad back,
C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac.
D is for dental decay and decline;
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line.
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend.
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget! What comes next?
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new.
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears.
T for tinnitus; there's bells in my ears.
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!! May your troubles be less, your blessings more and nothing but Happiness come through your door.
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!I smiled. Hope you do too!!

Adult Jokes ....

---

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and
sad at the same time." The wife thought for a few moments, then said,
"Your dick's bigger than your brother's."

---

The shy young man and his shapely date were parked under a romantic
moon. Placing his hand on her thigh, he whispered, "I love you." With
a deep sigh, the happy girl replied, "A little higher." "I love you,"
came the higher-pitched reply

---

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

---

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time
they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She
figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night,
while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session,
she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was
holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft,
wonderful and larger than a "real one." She went completely
ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could
you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll
explain the toy... you explain the kids

---

Thoughts................

- Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
- Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
- I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash
- A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
- Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
- Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
- You can't buy love . . .. but you pay heavily for it
- True friends stab you in the front
- Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
- Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
- Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired
- My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
- Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
- Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
- It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. - Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
- Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
- Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something - They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak