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Saturday, June 2, 2007

Second Opinion

Second Opinion


The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on Your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."


Woody was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.


When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.


As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit."


He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... Size 44 long."


Woody laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"


"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.


Woody tried on the suit.. It fit perfectly.


As Woody admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a New shirt?"


Woody thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."


The salesman eyed Woody and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."


Woody was surprised, That's right, how did you know?"


"Been in the business 60 years."


Woody tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.


Woody walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked," How about some new underwear?"


Woody thought for a moment and said, "Sure."


The salesman said, "Let's see... Size 36."


Woody laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."


The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

New suit - $400

New shirt - $36

New underwear - $6

Second Opinion - PRICELESS

Postcard on honeymoon

A mother had Three daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how Marital life felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but
"Nescafe."Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the Kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said:
"Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read:
"Benson & Hedges."Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size."She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words:
"British Airways."Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. Mom fainted.
..........The ad said: ="Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."