Sales call to the Pope

Interesting [But sacrilegious] Read

The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with
the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your
Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for
you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church . if you
change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give
us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is
the word of the Lord, It must not be changed." Well," says the Nescafe man
somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and
the importance of the Lord's prayer to all catholics, we will increase our
offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer
from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily
coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible.
For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect
your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to
your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord
.................but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with
your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church
if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our
daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please
consider it." And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some
Good news," he announces, "and some bad news .....

The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church
will get $ 500 million."

"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.


"Sadly" says the Pope ,


We would have to lose the Britannia Account............................

--
Guess 1st innings score. Win 1 Lakh* Rupees.
SMS RUN<Your Score> to 8888.

Second opinion....again..

An American tourist goes on a trip to China .. While

in China , he is very sexually promiscuous and does

not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving

back home In the States, he wakes one morning to find

his "tool" Covered with bright green and purple

freckles. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a

doctor. The Doctor, never having seen anything like

it, orders some Tests and tells the man to return in

two days.



The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted

Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of

here. We know Very little about it". The man looks a

little perplexed And says "Well, give me a shot or

something and fix me Up doc". The doctor answers "I'm

sorry, there's no known

Cure. We're going to have to amputate your "tool".



The man screams in horror "Absolutely not! I want a

Second opinion".

The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead

if You want but surgery is your only choice".



The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor,

Figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The

Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims "Ah

yes, Mongolian VD.





Vely lare disease".The guy says to the doctor "Yeah

Yeah, I already know that but what we can do? My

American doctor wants to operate and amputate my

Tool?" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs

"Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. They

Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"



"Oh Thank God!" the man replies.



"Yes" says the Chinese doctor "You no worry! Wait two

Weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"

--
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Good Doctor's Advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.

________________________________

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

________________________________

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!

________________________________

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

________________________________

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

________________________________

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
more vegetables be bad for you?

________________________________

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

________________________________

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!

________________________________

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

________________________________

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO,
What a Ride"

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!!
=====================================================================

Jokes

Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the
fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the
firemen under control.

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Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be
the first thought to come in your mind?

Husband: that you are a lesbian.

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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps
in the U.S ???

Because the people started licking the wrong side!

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Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich,
Rich men wish they were handsome,
Bachelors wish they were married
& Married men wish they were Dead!

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A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be
yours forever."

The guy says 'thanks for the warning'

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A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife
after sex?"

He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"

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Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for
problems where

others look for pleasure!!!

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Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the
first man you are sleeping with?'

"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the
others!'

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