FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD

Four guys, One each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and SANTA were to be
Interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all 4 of
them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in
your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose Motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last Night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
worst
stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it
was
over!!!!

Little Johnny at it again

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word
bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I
have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll
get to meet after dinner."

The teacher faints

Mallu Jokes

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass this on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.

19) Pass this on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.

20) Pass this on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones....

Dinner with girlfriend

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could
you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may
be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, "Give me another Condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us."

A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness."

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

Crazily True

U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"
------------ ---
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it. There's
only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it. ------------
---
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok, If
someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there is a
limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.
------------ ---
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
------------ ---
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other
kidney.
------------ ---
What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
------------ ---
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife
Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
------------ ---
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter
speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut

Wake Up!

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to
school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the
teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to
go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand
your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.